Let Freedom Ring: A reflection after 9/11

 October 19, 2001 

I took another road trip this weekend. Six hours (each way) alone with my mind...

 

On my mind were the terms Patriotism, and Freedom. Nearly every car I passed had a flag waving or a flag decal in the window. I wondered what the flag means to each person. Certainly showing American pride. Pride in what though? Does waving the flag mean the same for you as it does for me? For that matter I haven’t yet displayed a flag on my car. Does that make me un-American? I ran through the typical patriotic songs. “o’er the land of the free and the home of the brave” and “let freedom ring” were lines that stuck in my mind.

 

"When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!" I have a dream - MLK

What does it mean to be free? to have freedom? If we are not free what are we?

 

There was a time I recall

We played in the sunshine one and all

time of our lives when we were small

Young and full of heart

Somewhere along the weary way

Tenderness leaves the games we play

Pain is too high a price to pay

And so we drift apart...

 

Sometimes I think the best has gone

When you look around at what we’ve done

To persecute all we’re living on...

When we were children we would run

Knowing that there could be someone

To keep us from all that could go wrong

Now we face our lives...

 

“Purity”

The Promise

T ‘Pau

©1991        

 

More and more I need you now

I owe you more each passing hour

The battle between grace and pride

Given up not so long ago

so steal my heart and take the pain

and wash my feet and cleanse my pride

Take the selfish, take the weak

and all the things I cannot hide

Take the beauty, take my tears...

 

Take my world apart, take it now

 

And serve the ones I despise

And speak the words I can’t deny

Watch the world I used to know

Fall to dust and blow away...

 

“Worlds Apart”

Jars of Clay

Jars of Clay

©1995

 

To not be free is to be enslaved to something. That something will be the same yet different for each one of us. Fear comes to mind. Yet the manifestation of fear in our lives will take on various forms. Fear is immobilizing. It happens every day at work, in relationships, during recreation. We could say some types of fear are good as it puts us in check to live another day. Or would that be wisdom rather than fear? This I know: fear keeps us from moving forward. The Biblical record is filled with “Fear not” and “Don’t be afraid.”

 

Perfect love casts out fear. Love doesn’t demand its own way. It isn’t jealous or irritable. It isn’t boastful or proud. And while love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, it does rejoice in the truth. Love’s faith, hope and patience never fail. Is not this a description of God’s character?

 

“I've never been walkin' around safe in my own hometown

never bought a wedding gown or made my own sound

never come up from the underground...”

 

When we are filled with God’s character will we know fear? What has he done for us?

 

“And He said, "you can go"

and no one could believe it

when they heard

He said, "you can go"

and in the air

the world had gently turned”

 

God calls us to himself. He tells us we can go, that we are free. Something happened when God was with us. His love for his creation was quite demonstrative. He sees us as the pearl of great price. We are hiding all too well. But he knows where we are and what we can be. He sold everything he had and was to win us back to himself. He has a plan for us - a hope for our future. When we accept him we begin to change. When we let him completely inside us, we will be free.

 

“I’m walkin' around safe in my own hometown

I bought a wedding gown

I’m makin’ my own sound

I’m comin’ up from the underground...”

 

“You Can Go”

Three Days In Spring

Clarence and the neon iguanas

©1999

 

The truth will set you free. What truth? What freedom? Does the truth you believe in set you free? If the Son sets you free you are free indeed. For he has not given us a spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Come and let us reason together...

 

Freedom. My friend, Keith Johnson put the following list together of what freedom means to him. As I read it I think of specific areas of my own life and find myself convicted of needing to let go and accept God’s freedom.

 

“To me ‘Freedom’ is:

 

1) ... Not being afraid to die; which frees me from ever having to yield to force, fear, intimidation, and manipulation, which allows me to live for integrity and the principle of love, instead of the principle of pride.

2) ...Having a clear conscience, so regrets, guilt, and shame are unable to hold me captive to my past - so I can live (act, not react) in the here and now.

3) ...Not being afraid of the truth, along with the willingness and honesty to admit when I am wrong or I don't know (to face and conquer my fears - knowing God will be there with me).

4) ...Being free of all “pity parties” - knowing “all things work together for good...”

5) ...Not being afraid of any consequences that may come from the choices that I make (or the choices of others) and the ability to take ownership of my decisions without having to blame anybody.

6) ...Doing right, because it is right, without any external rewards or punishments.

7) ...Realizing that I am only entitled to whatever anybody is able and willing to give.

8) ...Being free of any and all inferiority and superiority complexes.

9) ...Being free of hatred and prejudices that need to victimize others in thought, word, or deed

10) ...Being free from needing others to like me, but willing to like and even love others -- regardless whether it comes back or not.

11) ...Being free to give gifts or to assist others without expecting anything in return.

12) ...Being free from obligations and expectations - in any and all relationships.

13) ...Being free to respect another person’s right to be wrong, without trying to clone them into my image. To also provide them with a safe place in the relationship to heal and mature.

14) ...Being free from superficiality and the opinions of others.

15) ...Being free to be me, without any masks - while being an all-weather, non-judgmental friend.

16) ...Realizing that my freedom ends where the other person’s freedom begins.

17) ...Being more concerned with the rights of others than my own.

18) ...Being involved in relationships without any ulterior motives.

19) ...Being real and sincere in caring about others more than myself.

20) ...Being free of jealousy and the need to compete with or control others.

21) ...Allowing anybody and everybody into my inner-circle of intimacy.

22) ...Being free to try - without fear of failing, criticism, or rejection.

23) ...Realizing that I have only one life to live and I cannot nor do I have the right to try to think for or to live anybody else’s life for them.

24) ...Being free to laugh at myself (along with others)...without embarrassment.

25) ...Realizing that the only control that I have involves my choices and my choices only! I must learn to be flexible at all times -- without allowing external stimuli to affect my peace of mind.

26) ...Being humble enough to realize that education, money, or positions of authority - never gives me the right to abuse, neglect, avoid or mistreat anybody (verbally or physically).

27) ...Mentally allowing the truth to resolve a problem, without needing any other person to admit that they were wrong or needing an apology.

28) ...Being free from needing anybody else’s affirmation or love, because when I drink from the source my “cup runneth over.”

29) ...Being free from having or needing to climb the world’s social ladder.

30) ...Accepting myself where I am, while continuing to grow (aware I can never become complacent).

31) ...Wearing my heart on my sleeve without being vulnerable.

 

Let Freedom Ring!

Reality or something like it - A Sermon

A Sermon from February 11, 2006 - delivered at Kendu Bay Adventist Hospital Church, Kenya

Have you ever considered reality? What is it? When you are in bed with the mosquito net down around you and you look out that is your current reality. When you lift the net and look out the reality changes just a bit and that becomes your current reality. Which is more real?

You and several friends are in Kisii walking along a street when all of a sudden a matatu and another car collide. What you witness is your reality. Each one of your friends, while seeing the same event has a different perspective of that event – a different reality.

We were speeding along, while on Safari in the Masai Mara, when all of a sudden our driver stopped. The reality I saw was just more of the same savannah. However, our driver had a different reality: he saw they way the animals were moving and looking and within a few seconds of stopping he pointed to a stand of trees, across a river, about a half mile away: “There, do you see it? A male lion.” I had to take out the video camera and zoom in to see it. All it took was openness to a larger reality than my own to see so much more.

Repeat after me:

“I can live the life God has called me to live, in all dimensions—work, family, relationships, community, and the larger world.”

Do you believe it? How do you feel when you say it?

Most people have an automatic reaction to that statement. They either believe that they are powerless or even if they had the power to make it happen that they are unworthy to have such a life. And some people believe that they are both powerless AND unworthy.

In God’s reality nothing is further from the truth. Instead we have been enslaved to a way of thinking and acting that reinforce the feelings and beliefs of powerlessness and unworthiness. We are slaves of our beliefs. This is our current reality.

God has the big picture. Thus the truest reality is found in God. We see ourselves as powerless and unworthy, God sees our true potential and the reality of that potential in action. There are dozens of times in the Bible we are told to “change the way we think and act.” There is evidence that many of the flawed Bible characters did just that.

Able, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses and his parents, Rahab, Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephtha, David, Samuel, and all the prophets have three things in common: 1) God called them; 2) They believed; 3) They committed themselves to action.

These people of Hebrews 11 were called to some pretty BIG things. Most of us are not called in that way.

I first heard God calling me to trust him as a four year-old and into my teenage years. As I graduated from University I followed God’s calling to work in the Hollywood film and television industry. Six years later he called me to leave Hollywood for a nonprofit religious group. He has called me to the career I have.

I have also been called to a long and satisfying marriage.

I have been called to deep and personal friendships. 

I have been called to offer my best to my wife, my family, my job, my friends, my community and the world at large.

I have been called to live a balanced life.

I have been called to a deep and personal relationship with God.

I have been called to live the life of the Spirit and reap the fruits of the Spirit.

I have been called to many things, this I know. 

I also know that I don’t always feel up to the task.

I am not alone.

“This law I have found at work… that which I want to do I don’t do, and that which I don’t want to do I do… (Romans 7)

Who will save me from this? Thanks be to Jesus.” 

“The truth will set you free.”

Who is “the truth”?

Jesus

Proverbs 8:

Wisdom calls out:

Who is wisdom?

Jesus

John 15 tells us Jesus has called us to friendship; and that he has chosen us to produce fruit that will last.

2^nd Thessalonians chapter 2 tells us that “in the beginning he chose us to be saved through a life of spiritual devotion and faith in the truth.”

And this one from 1^st Peter chapter 1 “God the Father knew you long ago and chose you to live holy lives with the Spirit’s help…”

1 Corinthians 1: 27 and onward:

“God chose what the world considers nonsense to put wise people to shame. God chose what the world considers weak to put what is strong to shame. 28 God chose what the world considers ordinary and what it despises-what it considers to be nothing- in order to destroy what it considers something.

Have you considered the difference of “choosing” and “wanting”? 

[review these verses using and comparing choosing and wanting]

In his book "The Fifth Discipline" Peter Senge says this: "For most people, 'I want' is passive; 'I choose' is active... wanting is a state of deficiency - we want what we do not have. Choosing is a state of sufficiency- electing to have what we truly want." (p360) 

[examples from my life: Trixy; Work; play; etc]

God also, has said “choose” and “chosen” rather than “want”

1 Corinthians 1:9

“God faithfully keeps his promises. He called you to be partners with his son Jesus Christ our Lord.”

So I can readily admit that I do not always feel up to the task. But I can choose to believe. This helps me create a vision for myself of what I will become. It helps me accept God’s design for my life.:

I believe God has called me and chosen me.

I believe God to be true to his word.

I believe I have been empowered to continually grow towards my calling.

I believe I have been made worthy to achieve my calling.

I believe that one person can make a difference.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Reminding me that I am not powerless.

“I have come that they might have life more abundantly” John 10:10 reminding me that God considers me worthy.

And this one found in Mark 9: 23 and 24

Jesus said to him, “As far as possibilities go, everything is possible for the person who believes.” And the child’s father cried out at one, “I believe! Help my lack of faith.” And this reminds me that I can believe today and that my belief today is small to the belief that is coming.

In following our calling and believing is acting. We can still choose to ignore our calling and we may chose to never truly believe. However, If we choose to accept our callings and we choose to believe what God has promised, then action will follow. 

This is also not easy. Since “wanting” is passive and “choosing” is active, we can see that acting on our calling and belief involves our choosing. But choosing isn’t enough on its own. We need also commitment. Choosing declares our action and direction. Commitment keeps us moving towards our choices even when the going gets difficult and discouraging. I could go on for hours about choice and commitment, but let me just summarize for today: We need to be committed to:

truth

growth

and finally to “seeing it through”

“Imitate me as I imitate Christ.”

Jesus is called to reconcile the universe to himself

Jesus is committed to truth

Jesus is committed to restoring freedom and choice

I haven’t even begun to discuss “freedom”. But one thing I council is this: “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” Christ has set us free. Free we are. Free to enslave ourselves again. But God hasn’t called us to slavery, but to true freedom.

What binds this all together is “Love”. True freedom is described in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 and in Galatians chapter 5. Love which isn’t sentimental, but committed and unconditional.

“If we let Him—for we can prevent him, if we choose—He will make the feeblest and filthiest of us into a god or goddess, a dazzling, radiant, immortal creature, pulsating all through with such energy and joy and wisdom and love as we cannot now imagine, a bright stainless mirror which reflects back to God perfectly (through, of course on a smaller scale) His own boundless power and delight and goodness. The process will be long and in parts very painful, but that is what we are in for. Nothing less. He meant what He said.” CS Lewis

So in my own example:

I choose to follow God’s calling.

I choose to have a long and satisfying marriage.

I choose to have deep and personal friendships.

I choose to offer my best to my wife, my family, my job, my friends, my community and the world at large.

I choose to live a balanced life.

I choose a deep and personal relationship with God

I choose to pursue truth about myself—about my thoughts and actions

I choose to limit my freedom in order to achieve my calling.

Today, I am your safari driver. I say to you today “Do you see it, across the river and by the tree of life? It looks so far away, but it isn’t. There by the tree is the Lion of Judah. And he is calling you.” You are not powerless or unworthy to answer his call.

What is your calling?

To what are you committed?

What do you believe?

And what will you choose?

“May God who began the good work in you see it through to completion…”

2 Thess 3:3-5 paraphrased

The Lord is faithful, he will establish you and keep you from evil. And I have confidence in the Lord touching you, that you both do and will do the things that are necessary to let go of what holds you back from your calling. 

May the Lord direct your hearts into the lover of God, and into patient waiting for Christ.

This is my prayer for you today.

Theories, Concepts, and Knowledge

I am so looking forward to Star Wars IX. Really. I enjoy the fan theories and have enjoyed the theories since it was announced we would get three more Star Wars movies. Not all theories have the same value from my perspective and yet each provides a glimpse into the mind of the person promoting a concept, hypothesis, or theory. 

The other thing that strikes me is that around the fan theories of Star Wars (or take your pick: Star Trek, Sherlock, and so forth) is that, for the most part, while robust discussion ensues, they are largely cordial. With various “camps” pointing out fallacies of the assumptions (or FOTAP: Fallacy of the Assumed Premise). There is much to learn from the insights of the various groupings of perspectives.

I was fortunate to explore many learning theories during my M.Ed program. Three dominate “camps” of research dominate: 1) Behaviorism; 2) Cognitivism; 3) Constructivism. Much has been written in regards to each one and I see each succeeding concept containing the prior ones. And that leads me to seeing that there is a truth in each but none contain the complete understanding of human learning and development. Peter Jarvis has written a book “Towards a Comprehensive Theory of Human Learning” in which he explores these three and many others in an effort to get to a big picture of how we learn and develop. Bringing together, if you will, a variety of fan theory favorites (and some obscure). Many researchers study such a focused view that it is challenging to see another perspective and when looking for a big picture understanding some details that work in one environment might not fit so well in understanding the whole. In any case, much of how we see learning and human development stem from our personal perspectives. Most research I read today seems to appreciate the diversity of thought and perspective and that a given study is only a bit of the whole.

Somehow that mindset and politeness disappears when we move to politics and religion. I can’t help but see being on the left or the right (whatever those are) as differences of perspective and frames of reference. We might agree on certain problems in society but disagree with how to solve them.

Religion is similar. Not only do we have a variety of divine concepts, we have non-divine concepts. As it comes to divine concepts we divide into global religions and further splinter from within those. So much so that history is littered with death and chaos as one religious ideology has killed in the name of their deity. This is certainly true within Christianity and within the protestant reformation. Some hold that unless you believe as they do you can’t be a real Christian. They may kill you or simply assassinate your character. Oh Well.

Within a given faith tradition there are many differing perspectives on any number of variety of topics. One that seems to be a favorite centers around theories of “atonement”. Simply by way of example, it seems that people fight over one theory or another and often condemn one another for the concept held. Like learning and human development I prefer a big picture perspective and find the fights over which one (usually one of four: Christ Victor; Moral Influence; Randsom; Penal Substitution) are incomplete or at the very least suffer from FOTAP and limited perspective. Yet it is undeniable that we all have a preference based on who we are (what we have learned and how we have developed). If one holds a particular theory as true others are classified by that same one into an other theory, even when the other may not hold it as true! (Does this ring true in politics too? If you aren’t this, then you are this! or if you are pro this than you are that).  

I digress. And thus, as I seek a comprehensive understanding of human learning and development, I seek a big picture of politics and religion. In the Seventh-day Adventist faith tradition A. Graham Maxwell pursued this and introduced me to an unresting pursuit of the big picture. Also in my tradition Ty Gibson generally paints a larger view. In the Anglican tradition N.T. Wright works to this end. Richard Rohr orients this way in the Roman Catholic tradition. Other protestants that come to mind are Tim Mackie and Greg Boyd. 

For the Christian, there is only one who has absolute truth: The Christ - Jesus - the fullness of the character God revealed on earth. The one in whom the Jewish story is brought into full clarity (for the Christian at least). All others are contributors, some study deeply one concept or theory and others are left trying to see how these fit into the larger narrative. Some are refiners of other contributors.

I find I have said to people that I may agree or disagree in whole or in part with any number of contributors as I seek to understand with all of who I am, what I have learned and how I have developed, just as they have.  The truth as revealed by Trixy is that I don’t completely agree even with myself, so I cannot completely agree with anyone else. Part is my own limitation, but is that the other is incomplete. As a Christian I would prefer to rest (and wrestle) on the truth revealed in Jesus as I know him and give that to another. And that is a discussion/reveal for another time.

Friendship: A reflection

It was the summer of 1994 when I first made a real effort to understand the meaning of "friend" and "friendship".   Until that time I took friendly relationships for granted - at least I think that is how it was with me.  

Perhaps I had contemplated the terms and meanings before, but simply not given them "voice".  I have, over the years, had many friends.  There comes an ebb and a flow as people move around, change and grow, and so on.  On Facebook I have many "Friends".  Some I know very well from personal contact, others only through technology.

And so it was in the summer 1994 that I gave voice to my understanding and thoughts.  To this day I continue to refer to these observations.

***

Friendship is defined by Webster as 1) the state of being friends 2) attachment between friends 3) friendly feeling or attitude; friendliness.

Friend is defined as 1) a person whom one knows well and is fond of; intimate associate; close acquaintance 2) a person on the same side in a struggle; one who is not an enemy or foe; an ally 3) a supporter or sympathizer 4) something thought of as like a friend in being helpful, reliable, etc.

The word "friend" finds its root in the old English "freond" which was used as friend, lover, similar to the German "frijon" - "to love". The

Indo-European root goes back to the word "free". The root meanings here are -- not in bondage, noble, glad, illustrious, to be fond of, and to hold dear. In using "free" with "friend" then it could be concluded that a friend is 1) not under the control of the other person; that each friend is able to act or think without compulsion or arbitrary restriction; having liberty and independence 2) a friend is able to move in any direction; not held, as in chains; not kept from motion 3) a friend is not held or burdened by obligations, debts or discomforts 4) a friend is allowed to leave at any time and is not confined to the usual rules or patterns; not limited by convention or tradition 5) a friend is not restricted by anything except their own limitations or nature and 6) a friend is generous, liberal, frank and straightforward.

Friends and friendships then are a gift.

***

So in my religious philosophy I believe that God sees each person as a friend - even if that person may consider God an enemy. God wants a relationship with me and has chosen to extend love towards me.  Of course not only me but each person, those I care about and those I don't.  

Friendship with God is, by definition then, reserved for those who choose to enter into a "friend" relationship with God.  But what does this relationship look like?  I believe it is unique to each person.  I realize that not everyone agrees with me.  Yet it is my world view that God exists.  Given that as my baseline (and I accept that there are other views in which God does not exist).  But I am working to make sense of my own world view(s).  I am quite sure I cannot make sense of anyone else's.  Given my view that God exists, no longer does it matter to me if any one else thinks God exists.  

And so I am coming to the conclusion that I can be a friend regardless of another person's response or opinion of me.  I may not agree with their opinions, insights, or world views on any variety of topics.  

Friendship is reserved for those who respond.  I am not being a friend so another will reciprocate.  If they do - wonderful.  

When I try to restrict some one I profess to love I exclude myself from friendship with them.  Nor will a friend require from me anything I cannot freely give.

Perspectives

The subject that is running around my head today (and most days) is the idea of perspective - and really multiple perspectives.  The beginning of any exposition is perspective.  Each author is sharing perspective and even their perspective on multiple perspectives. 

My parents had a perspective on me as a child and I had a perspective of them as parents.  They were not perfect parents nor was I a perfect child.  But then again, what is “perfection” and we are back to perspective and multiple perspectives.  We can interview and survey vast numbers of people of what perfection is in their understanding.  Interviews will reveal stories and examples, surveys will force sort into categories (unless they allow for stories and examples).  Then it is up to the researchers to sort and code all of this.  Even the process of sorting and coding has the likelihood of bias due to the researcher perspectives.  

The Bible was written over millennia by many different authors, it has been copied and translated by many through the years.  Translation from one language to another is not an absolute - straight-forward process.  I remember when I was getting to know my wife.  I emailed her and she emailed back.  We have the potential to misunderstand each other in the same language, but she replied in a foreign language.  It took me about 30 minutes to find the language (this was before Google Translate and related tools existed).  The process to understand this new woman in my life was not only to understand her in English - we continue to work through that process still.  But having discovered the foreign language I began the process of translation.  I printed her email with gaps between the lines and then wrote in all the options that each word could mean.  Some words were very basic with one meaning and some words had several meanings depending on the context of usage.  It took me five hours to generally translate the paragraph.  This was enough time to learn basic word structure (root, prefix, suffix, etc).  Certainly not enough time to fully understand the context and culture behind the choice of words.  Since some of the meanings of the words could be benign to the risqué I did have to make choices as to her intent.  When I replied to her I did not try to prove my translation, but to respond in English my best understanding of her communication.

Though the years I have treated people through a filter of my own absolute rightness.  This is not healthy for me or the other.  Of course I have come to see through the years that I can hold something to be absolutely true for myself, but others see it otherwise. We have different interpretations of our shared experiences, different understandings of what what we read, different paradigms on which we have built our process of making sense of the world and all that it contains.

I have come to a place that I believe absolute truth exists but that none of us possess all knowledge, all understanding and thus none possess all truth. We possess a part of that truth, our lives bear witness to what we hold to be true, right, and good.  Even as I say that I realize my own continued failure to live up to all that I hold as ideal.  So the ideal may be more truth that what you see practiced in my life.  But perhaps that too bears witness to a larger truth.

Fit for Skyline Drive

The drive to Yaounde from Buea is about 322 km (200 miles). The fastest I made it was in 4 hours the longest included an overnight in Douala because the traffic really was that bad (coming back from Yaounde).  Normally, without feeling rushed it was between five and six hours.  The thing is a Nissan Terrano is an SUV and it drove like an SUV abused in Africa - with good reason - because it is.

When I picked up the Fit I was trying to think about a fun place to drive for an extended “get to know you” experience. The ONLY place that entered my mind was Skyline Drive in the Shenandoah National Park.  I mapped it out in Google to 207 miles with an estimated drive time of 4 hr and 35 minutes. 

It was a beautiful drive. I opened up the sunroof and put the windows down. I was able to work the car a bit more.  The drive to Front Royal was pretty standard but turning up Skyline Drive I immediately noticed the CVT trying to find the right place to be. What I was driving were some rapid up and down hills on corners. It was trying to anticipate what I might want or need but was not meeting with any success. So, I turned off ECON and put the car in sport mode, requiring me to use the paddle shifters. This turned out much more satisfying (admittedly however I am a manual shift guy and still wanted to shift that way).  In any case the CVT obeyed my command. I found the Fit ready to respond with some engine breaking on the down slopes and entering corners before adding power through the curve and up the hills.  It was quick to shift up or down.

The steering is light and precise, coming off the Terrano I simply wasn’t prepared for its accuracy, but that is one reason for me to do this drive. With the wind in my receding hairline, music emanating from the iPod through the sound system, with a “Fit” and capable car I was getting road therapy - salve for the soul.

It was all real good until I realized I went west on 33 rather than east. Oh well - I wasn’t lost just getting extra miles on the highway.  I went back via I-81 to I-66 an extra 60 miles or so.

My entire drive took me about 6.5 hrs with stops out vistas and animals.  I was reminded just how fun it is to drive a car that is so willing to be driven.  To be fair to the Terrano, the few times I found myself on muddy and challenging roads I was ever so pleased it was what it was!!

Everything has its purpose.  I enjoyed the Terrano and am now enjoy the Fit.  To fully enjoy each I have to remember each has a slightly different purpose.  

Everyone has a purpose. Sometimes it seems that our “things” are easier to see and understand purpose. In people purpose may be more difficult. However I would like to make it easier. I believe it is our purpose to love without condition or requirement.  Everything else we are or have is something else - perhaps gifts from God to be given in the service of love.  You are fit for service because you have a purpose and a very high calling: love others as you love yourself.  May the love of yourself and others grow more each day.

Fit for a Spin

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When you get new things that you depend on it seems wise to me to test ‘em out.  Get used to how it works, get to know the quirks.  This is like the test drive in a car.  But modern test drives really are nothing of the sort.  Commonly this is known as taking the car for a spin.  What I have now discovered is that the first “real” drive is the post-purchase.  This is the real “shakedown” spin cycle - to mix my metaphors.

Well I was fit for a spin with a new car to slide into.  The first spin was a 40 mile loop around Fredericksburg.  I attached the iPod to the USB and selected the first song that played the day I purchased it “Flight of the Wild Goose” by the group Iona. 

This was the “Wild Goose” getting a chance to spread its wings a bit.  We took it easy, just enjoying the late afternoon sunshine and back country roads, down into old town Fredericksburg, getting a bit of freeway time and back onto the country lanes.

It was a lovely “get to know you” drive, leaving me with a strong desire for a proper day long road trip.  

This brings to mind many other things too.  For one, getting to know another person, dating or not.  You see someone, hear about them, have an occasion to meet them.  You get a good first impression and you are left wanting to know them better.  And so it goes.

Honda cars have a good reputation for giving years of faithful service.  Not everyone’s experiences are the same, of course.  The idea is if you take care of the car, it will serve you a very long time.  You can see the allegory to human relationships.

Let’s transition to the spiritual life.  I admit to a Universalist approach of sorts: I believe every person looks for meaning in life.  Making sense of life and the meaning of life is a spiritual pursuit.  Perhaps this can be analogous to the type of transport: Planes, Trains, Automobiles, Bicycle, Feet, Motorcycle, and so on.  We have preferences of expressed “faith”, that in which we place our trust.  We may have tested another mode but been burned or disappointed or simply not “wowed” to woo us away from our main preference.

We all have a world view, an understanding and belief of how the world works. Everyone we meet has a different world view - even though some so similar as to be declared the same - they are not.  These differences can be expressed by all that lines we used to delineate our differences: religion, politics, gender, race, sexual identity, language, tribe, nationality, and all the subtleties of these and more.

The bottom line of transport, from my perspective, is to get us to where we want to go. To take us from point A to point B.

The bottom line of world views / faith / trust systems, from my perspective, is to care for the widows, orphans, marginalized, vulnerable, with compassion, and without condition.  As I think about it today, we are all, to varying degrees, fragile and vulnerable.  So how nice it would be to treat one another - at the very least - as a car with which we look forward to many years of faithful service - but how much better to take care of one another because its simply the right thing to do.

A Tiny Ethical Dilemma

A Tiny Ethical Dilemma

Life is not always so simple. Black and white moral choices. Do they even exist in such stark, contrasting colours? Seems like there are a quite a few shades of grey when it comes to ethics.  Fifty shades if you believe a certain author…

Clients old and young crammed into our clinic waiting area. Those healthy enough hung around the perimeter avoiding the sweaty, hot central node of sick bodies, nudging their way past mothers with babies strapped to their back and elderly grandparents resting against the wall grasping their walking sticks while sitting on the benches. Somehow there was an order although at the time it was difficult to conceive any sort of queue existed among the impatient patients.

My door cracked open as I sat opposite a sick client reviewing her history. “Oh, sorry,” Madam H said unapologetically. Her eyes flicked to her medical book and back to me expectantly as she pushed the door open further and shoved her book under my nose for an inspection of her lab results. She was ready for her prescription.

“Ok. Thank you,” I said, trying not to sound to exasperated. Mrs G. sat motionless and silent, suspended in animation until my intruder finished intruding on our private interview. “I will look at your labs and write the prescription after I finish with her.” I indicated Mrs G.

Madam H gave a satisfied nod and backed out, closing the door on our privacy once more. “So, you were saying you have vaginal itching but that the discharge does not have a smell….” I picked up where I’d left off in our original conversation. Amazingly, Mrs G seemed unperturbed and jumped back into a detailed description of her ailments for the past eight years.

“Yes, doctor. When I take medicine it goes but then it always comes back.”

“Any pain associated with the discharges?” I probed further into her history trying to ascertain her underlying fears and preconceptions about the problem.

“Yes, doctor, here,” she pointed to her lower abdomen.

“What is the pain like?”

She was silent a moment, trying to come up with a suitable analogy. In those brief seconds, another knock on my consultation door alerted me to the next interruption. It’s amazing I manage to get any outpatient consults done some days.

“Doc?” Nurse A poked her head into my consult room. “There’s another doctor who says he wants to talk to you.”

“Ok. After I finish here,” I nodded to Mrs G. and gave her a small nod. “Just tell him to wait and I’ll come.”

Within a few minutes, I completed my interview and examination of Mrs G. and had sent her on her way to the laboratory. I strolled out of my office and looked around. “That guy,” the nurse pointed out an average-looking middle-aged Cameroonian male standing near the doorway. He spotted me even before I could introduce myself.

“Doctor?” he held out his hand in greeting.

“Yes, I’m the doctor,” I replied hesitantly. I wondered what he could want from me. I didn’t recognise him. Why was he here? What did he want?

“Doctor, I’m happy to meet you.”

“Happy to meet you too,” I shook his hand but remained standing out in the doorway.

“Doctor, I want to talk to you.”

“Oh?” I glanced around at all the patients who were giving me less-than-patient curious stares. “I still have a lot of people to see…” I shrugged.

“It’ll only be a minute. Can we…” he indicated a more private corner, “…talk together just for a minute?”

I hesitated. There were so many people to see. Many had been waiting several hours. They were sick and didn’t feel good. Most were hungry because they had come without taking breakfast. It wasn’t fair to make them wait just because another professional colleague that I didn’t even know decided now was convenient for him to visit me.

“It will only take a minute,” he pressed his case persistently.

At last I relented. “Ok, come back here.” I indicated the bench where we do our dressing changes and injections. “Agbor, Natalie,” I called out.

The patient shouldered her purse and hurried to enter my consult room. “Have a seat inside,” I indicated the chair. “I’m coming.”

I returned my attention to my unknown, physician visitor. We sat across from each other.

“Doctor, I wanted to meet you…”

“And now you have,” I smiled.

He gave a wane smile in return. “Doctor, I work at the ___ hospital.”

“Oh?”

“Yes. I wanted to meet you so that maybe we could work together – collaborate – refer each other patients.” He paused frequently as he struggled to fish out the correct words to get his point across clearly yet subtly.

I listened. I wasn’t sure I understood his agenda yet.

“You know, doctor, I’ve been to ___ country.”

“Oh,” I nodded. I wasn’t sure why he was sharing his foreign travels with me. I’d been to other countries outside Cameroon too.

He continued. “You know, I studied many additional things.”

“Ok.”

“I’ve had training in gynaecological procedures.” He paused waiting for the light bulb to click in my mind. It didn’t.

“Knowing how to manage gynaecological problems in women is a good thing.” I filled the pause.

“You see, doctor,” he resumed his explanation, “I have additional training in how to manage bleeding in women, like after a miscarriage.”

“Like a dilation and curettage?” The light bulb was beginning to turn on.

“Yes, I can do D&Cs.” He was pleased I seemed to understand him now. He paused again.

I waited for him to continue. I wanted him to verbalise the point of his visit more clearly and confirm what I was beginning to suspect.

“Well, you see, doctor, like yourself, I have training in helping take care of women. I can help them. Sometimes you see women who come here for an echography.”

“True.”

“Sometimes they come for an echo and they don’t want it.”

“You mean, when we confirm that a woman is pregnant but she doesn’t want to be pregnant?”

He nodded.

“I can help them. You can send them to me.”

I now understood my colleague’s visit. He was soliciting referrals for dilation and curettage (D&C) for patients who came and wanted an early abortion.

“I am trained in that way.”

The light bulb was fully illuminated in my brain. I understood his request perfectly.

For now, I didn’t have any cases to refer to him. Thankfully, most women recognise that we are a church-based mission hospital and a D&C to abort an unwanted pregnancy is not possible at such a health institution. And yet, sometimes we do diagnose a pregnancy and the dilemma arises: what to do?

Does one refer a young lady to a doctor who can perform a D&C relatively safely and in antiseptic conditions in a hospital? Does one council and pray with this woman and hope that she abandons all thoughts of ridding herself of the pregnancy? Does one refuse to discuss anything outside of maintaining the pregnancy and pray she doesn’t go in secret for an abortion under unsanitary conditions by unqualified people with no training that masquerade as “doctors”?

I have seen some horrible complications of abortions done in shady clinics and even homes by unqualified persons. Sometimes the reason for a woman seeking an abortion can be quite compelling. Losing a job. Being thrown out of the house onto the streets to fend alone. Sent home to the village in shame while forced to abandon hope of a higher education. Pregnancy because of rape and incest. The list is long and complicated and heart-rending.  I once had a young woman of the age of 16 or 17 dragged by her auntie to the clinic – auntie demanding an echo to determine if her niece was pregnant or not. In the privacy of the exam room, the girl fell down on her knees and with clasped hands begged me, tears streaming down her dusty face, to please write that she was not pregnant. She’d had sex with a man in order to obtain money for her brother in prison. If she was found out pregnant, her family would throw her out and she would never be able to finish her education. Intense times. With little resources (not even a positive pregnancy test), she’d gone for a “backyard abortion” and yet she was terrified that the ultrasound might show she was pregnant.

Choices are not always so clear. Fuzziness lies on the edges. Greyscale predominates over defined black and white. To refer or not to refer?